life hack: if you buy bananas with the self-checkout at the supermarket you get to be the mr tallyman
if evolution is real why are there still monkeys. surely an evolved species would have figured out how to kill every monkey
it would be wild to see that ice bucket poured over pharrell’s big hat haha be sure to follow me at @topicaljokes4u2day and buy my book, out this fall on buttlunch press
worldwide, there are many people named Kevin. originally posted by insane-epic-facts; 360,000 reblogs
[my blog supervisor calls me into her office]
How does a man who looks like a cross between Edward Snowden and Shrek get so few notes in 2013? Haven’t you been taking pictures of drinks?
Uh, isn’t that mostly for gir—
Don’t you DARE talk about gender roles. Have you learned nothing? I want to see twenty drink photos by Halloween. okay? can you manage that?
Well I mostly just drink water, but if—
Just get out of my office.
drunk dial your work phone number and berate your professional self
*spends the rest of my life making a list of every woman i’ve ever inconvenienced*